I desparately want to watch Supernatural all of a sudden. It's pretty much taken over the majority of my thoughts, meaning that once again, I've been afflicted with the wave of obsession that overcomes me sometimes when I want to watch or play something I know I really shouldn't.
My explanation is this. I don't like gore. Hate it even. I fear blood, guts and murder. I'm terrified of dismemberment and decapitation. As a child, I had an irrational fear of guillotines that spawned from god knows where and plagued me in my dreams quite often. And yet, I think its safe to say part of the reason I was so terrified of guillotines is because I was fascinated by them, in some sick fashion. I was so disgusted by them, and yet I thought about them more than anyone else ever would. It was bizarre. And its happened so many times since.
This was probably the beginning of my weird spells of fixation over something - usually a movie, tv show or game, which pikes my interest but is way too bloody or otherwise disturbing for my fragile mind to handle. What follows is an internal struggle of whether to do what I know is good for me, or be brave and regret it later.
I obsessed over American McGee's Alice for the better part of a year before finally sucking it up and playing a demo for my PC. Upon being dropped in some sort of demented village and killed by sentient card people several times without warning, I threw fear out the window and mauled them to death with my vorpal blade. I never felt the need to play again and my obsession simmered into a cool appreciation for its charms.
I agonized over whether to see Sweeney Todd when it came out in theaters, due to my intense aversion to gore and more importantly, my ever-present and crippling fear of cannibals. This bizarre phobia is my modern day guillotine, and the cause is just as random. I suppose years of hearing and seeings things has just built it up. Countering this was my unbelievable love of musicals and Alan Rickman. Eventually, they won out, and I ended up seeing not only the movie, but the broadway play and Pocket Sandwich Theatre penny dreadful production. Ironically, its one of my favorite musicals of all time, if I don't think about it.
Supernatural basically has everything I'm terrified of all rolled into one convenient package. Yet, I can't get it off my mind. I like the idea, because I'm not inherently afraid of supernatural creatures. In fact, I'm quite taken with them, and the idea of two weirdly co-dependent brothers driving down the interstate in their classic car listening to their classic rock and hunting monsters is appealing to me. It's the gore that bothers me, especially since the two main characters, Sam and Dean Winchester, face off against every kind of horrifying bloodthirsty beast imagineable, and half the time they're some sort of cannibalistic being. I know it'd be a struggle for me to get through the series, and yet I so desire to see it, its driving me insane.
I imagine I'll give in and just do my best to not be affected. I'll close my eyes and enjoy the moments sans-carnage and fawn over how incredibly attractive Jensen Ackles and Jared Padelecki are and everything will be just fine. I won't be able to let it go otherwise.
This was pretty much the driving force of my obsession: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsyMtYoSkC0
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